Homeschool Musings at 12 Midnight

This school year has been very hard for me. I failed at balancing my role and my time. 

Earlier today as I try to teach Filipino to Kuya V, Toddler Z kept interrupting and asked the same questions over and over, and the now-crawling Baby I grabbed whatever I have in my hand. V got frustrated with the noise that he scolded his sister and brother. Z shouted back. Baby just smiled, climbed my legs and went to get the marker. It's chaotic.

I'd like to focus on teaching V but with a toddler in her terrific twos and a baby who demands for me 24/7, it's so hard. Even if I give these two toys or items they could work on, they'd be begging for my attention after a few minutes only.

I want to give more and I feel like I am not giving enough. I am not doing enough.

A couple of weeks ago, I was so upset because I have been failing my son in our homeschool. I have not been spending much time with our lessons and the results showed on his written and oral exams. It seemed that he didn't retain what we have previously discussed.

I failed as a teacher. I failed as a mom.

Then the what-ifs started to flow.

What if I got all the books the school recommended, would it have been easier?

What if we were just independent?

What if we unschooled?

What if we used a different curriculum or provider?

Each question branched to even more questions.

I told my husband that night that if we won't be able to move forward and improve until the end of this month, I might consider enrolling V in a regular school next school year. I may have to give up homeschooling him, which really breaks my heart.

The month is about to end and I am still contemplating. Should I give up? Should I hold on? His future is in my hands and I only want what's best for him but I can't seem to figure that out now.


  1. Medyo mahirap na sitwasyon ganda pero you need to decide.. For your kids future din naman yan. Pwede mo pa rim naman siya turuan even if nag school na siya.. pa unti unti..


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